Babysitting
by GwenPhoenix
Summary: SG-1 gets new orders. Watch General Hammond's grandchildren. What could possibly go wrong?


**Disclaimer- The usual. Not mine. Wish they were.**

**A/N- This came to me while I was feeding my daughter and she threw a spoonful of mash across the room.**

Teal'c eyed the mushy green slop and the tiny spoon, eyebrow lifting to almost comical heights. A muffled wail reminded him of his current job as he focused his formidable gaze at the infant sitting in the high-chair before him, both hands firmly wedged in its mouth.

Picking up the spoon, its small handle engulfed in his large hand, he attempted to extricate the child's hands while at the same time placing a spoonful of mashed green beans into it's mouth.

From the living room he could hear the other three children running around chanting, yelling, screaming and did not envy the job of his coworkers.

"Tea party! Tea party!" One little girl repeated over and over at the top of her lungs as she jumped up and down on the couch, "It's time for the afternoon _tea party_!"

Another little girl joined the first screaming, "We're going to be _late_! Princess Red will get _angry_!"

"Just a little longer," Daniel pleaded as he tried to maneuver a little boy, wearing nothing but a towel around his neck and a pair of his sisters panties on his head, into a corner for Sam to catch.

"We're going to be _late_!" The two girls screamed.

Sam dove for the little boy, just missing him as he slid through Daniel's spread legs.

"You can't catch me, pathetic mortal! I'm slicker than snot!" The little boy called as he ran down the hall. Sam sprinted after him, trying to catch him before he could make it out the back door and the awaiting mud puddles.

Daniel tried to follow, but found his way blocked by two irate girls.

"It's _tea time_, Princess Danny!" The each garbed one of his hands and dragged him up the stairs to their shared room.

"Princess?" Daniel echoed feebly from the upstairs landing.

* * *

Jack groaned as he tried to stretch the kinks out of his neck, his actions mimicked by the man in the seat next to him.

"Quarterly reviews show a thirty-eight percent increase in spending over the past year..." Major Davis droned on.

Pulling another page from the report, he began to fold a new paper airplane. Maybe this time he could make it into the trash bin across the room.

"Wonder how they're doing," Hammond whispered to him.

"It is just a couple of kids, sir. They've taken on the Goa'uld and the Re'tu. They can handle it," he whispered back as he took aim at the bin.

Hammond grunted and turned his attention back to the man in front.

Jack cursed as his plane went wide and landed in Walter Harriman's lap. Pulling another page toward him, he started on a new design.

* * *

Teal'c eyed his opponent, baby mash sliding from gold brand on his forehead, trying to plan out his next method of attack. The infant giggled and cooed, waving a sticky hand while shoving the other back into it's mouth.

"You are a most irksome creature," he stated, trying to get the child to eat another spoonful, only to have it catapulted across the room where it landed with a splat on the kitchen window.

Outside, Sam dragged the naked wriggling boy, who managed to find every bit of mud he could, over to the hose.

"Release me, evil she-demon!" The boy yelled, smacking her hand with the underwear that had been on his head, "Good will triumph over evil!"

He pulled free, tripping Sam in the process. She landed face first into a puddle of mud. Pushing herself up she looked up at the sky, silently asking which of the God's she had recently helped kill was getting their revenge.

Daniel sneezed again as a feather from the boa wrapped around his neck tickled his nose. He grunted as his hair was pulled and another plastic bow was clipped to the short strands.

His glasses disappeared some time ago as the elder of the two girls smeared copious amounts of bright green eye shadow on his eyelids and sprinkled his cheeks with pink glitter. Bright red lip gloss was streaked across his mouth and chin.

"You look so pretty, Princess Danny! All the princes in the kingdom will beg for your kiss!" The younger girl gushed, putting the finishing touches on his new hairstyle by snapping in bright blue extensions.

The girls settled around him at the low table and chatted to one another as they poured the imaginary tea for themselves, Princess Danny and various stuffed animals. He shifted, trying to find a position in the tiny chair where his knees would not be equal resident with his ears.

"You haven't drankin' any tea, Princess Danny? Is something wrong?" The younger girl asked, pouting.

He sighed, resigned to his fate, and adjusted his silver tiara.

* * *

Jack and the General bantered as they dove back to the older man's home. Each joking about where they could make budget cuts.

"Bet that thirty-eight percent increase could be blamed on the amount of coffee ingested by Daniel. We just cut it back and watch the numbers fall," Jack joked as he stopped at a red light.

Hammond laughed, "I like having my Archeologist fully functional. Remember what happened last time when the commissary mistakenly ordered decaff?"

Jack shuddered. Daniel's withdrawals were legend around base. It was during that time that they found out that Jackson really could fall asleep anywhere. Including, a men's bathroom stall, against the records organizer in the archive room and standing in the mess hall line.

Pulling into the drive way, O'Neill rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Hammond's grandchildren where well known tyrants when someone from the SGC was asked to babysit. He couldn't wait to see what destruction was brought upon the heads of his team mates.

"Grandpa!" A soaked little boy tore out of the house and into the arms of the older man. He was still quite naked, but clean. Sam's appearance at the front door, covered in soapsuds and holding a towel, answered the question as to why he was wet.

"General! You're back early!" Sam said, never looking happier.

"Yes, we had to stop the meeting when one of Colonel O'Neill's paper airplanes struck Major Davis in the eye." Hammond glared at Jack, hugging the wriggling boy.

"What? I said I was sorry," Jack muttered, shifting from foot to foot.

Entering the house, the two men stopped looking around, trying to find what damage there would be. Only to find none.

Looking at each other, they slowly walked to the kitchen only to be greeted with the sight of Teal'c standing by the stove, frilly white apron wrapped around his neck and waist. The baby rolling around in a playpen over by the kitchen table, well within Teal'c's sight. The kitchen was spotless and the aromas coming from the stove made the mens mouths water.

Looking at each other, they shrugged and wandered into the living room, following the squeals of little girls. They stopped at the entryway, rubbing their eyes as they tried to comprehend the image before them.

Daniel was holding his hand out to the elder girl and bowing. When she giggled and put her hand in his he swept her up and spun her around, dancing to soundless music.

Of course, even that unusual sight was not enough to keep them frozen in place, blinking owlishly, mouth catching flies. Nor was it the make-up that still graced Daniel's face. Or the various clips, extensions and tiara in his hair.

No, it was the bright pink, glittery, Tu-tu currently spinning around Daniel, showing off his manly, hairy legs and socked feet.

Hammond walked away leaving Jack still staring, returning with a digital camera. The flash alerted Daniel to their presence and he put down the girl, blushing.

"Uh, hi! You're back early!" He smoothed down his Tu-tu before giving his patented self hug, "I'm, uh... I'm just going to go change." He started edging toward the other doorway.

"You go do that, son," Hammond replied a wide grin splitting across his face.

Jack snickered, "Think I could get a copy of that, sir?" He gestured to the camera.

Hammond laughed, shaking his head in mirth. _Only SG-1..._

**A/N 2- I'm looking for a Beta reader if anyone would like to pull my stories out of the flames and into some semblance of order...**

**As always, review. It feeds my muses ego. Keeps it happy and me enslaved to it's will.**


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